The Tipple Tours Armenian Wine Tour Survival Guide


So, you’ve thinking of joining the Tipple Tours’ Armenian Wine Tour. Congratulations! It’s an experience equal parts history lesson, liquid courage, cultural immersion and competitive toasting.


But let’s be clear: this is not just a holiday. This is survival training - Armenian style! If you thought you were just going to swirl a glass, sniff politely and mutter “oaky” before moving on, think again. Armenia invented wine thousands of years ago and they’ve spent every day since perfecting the art of overwhelming their guests with it.


This guide exists to help you prepare and know what to expect. Consider it your handbook for navigating vineyards, toasts, folk music and the occasional surprise barbecue without accidentally becoming the new mayor of a small Armenian village.

 

Rule #1: Accept That Armenia Invented Wine Before You Invented Common Sense


Armenians don’t just make wine - they basically invented the concept. The world’s oldest known winery, Areni-1, sits in a cave in Vayots Dzor and archaeologists have dated it back over 6,000 years.

That means when you sip Armenian wine, you’re not just drinking fermented grape juice. You’re drinking liquid archaeology. And if some of it dribbles down your shirt? Congratulations—you’re now wearing an ancient artifact.


Pro tip: when your guide tells you that Noah planted the first vineyard on Mount Ararat after the flood, just nod. You don’t have to believe it but after two glasses of Areni Noir, you probably will. 


Rule #2: Learn to Fear (and Respect) the Toastmaster

In Armenia, drinking wine isn’t just a casual social activity. It’s a ceremonial marathon led by a toastmaster known as the Tamadan. Here’s how it works:

  • The Tamadan stands, raises a glass and delivers a toast.
  • You drink.
  • Five minutes later, another toast.
  • You drink.
  • Repeat until you’ve run out of synonyms for “cheers” and started inventing new ones.


Toasts begin simple: “To friendship!” But they escalate quickly:

  • “To mothers, without them we’d all be hungry and badly dressed!”
  • “To the taxi driver who somehow knew three shortcuts, none of which were on the map!”
  • “To the Tipple Tours friends we just met tonight, we would love to you to become part of our extended family tree!”


Rule of survival: never sit directly next to the Tamadan. That’s like sitting in the splash zone at SeaWorld. You will be called on to speak and suddenly you’re giving an emotional speech about global peace after your seventh glass.

 

Rule #3: Always Pack Stretchy Trousers

Armenians don’t believe in “a light snack.” They believe in lavish feasts called Khorovats where the table groans under mountains of grilled meat, herbs, cheeses, breads and mysterious jars of pickled things.


On a Tipple Tour, wine is never served alone - it comes with plates of dolma, steaming lavash fresh from a tonir oven, kebabs longer than your forearm and desserts that appear just when you swear you can’t eat another bite. Stretchy trousers aren’t optional. They’re survival gear.

 

Rule #4: Expect Your Itinerary to Go Rogue

The official Tipple Tours schedule might say:

9:00 AM — Visit Areni-1 cave (oldest winery in the world)
What really happens: A shepherd insists you try his homemade mulberry vodka in the parking lot.

11:00 AM — Boutique vineyard tasting
What really happens: The vineyard owner’s grandmother hijacks the tour to serve stuffed grape leaves then demands you join her in a traditional dance.

1:30 PM — Scenic drive through Vayots Dzor
 What really happens: Bus slams to a halt because a man by the roadside waves a jug and shouts, “Taste my pomegranate wine!”

6:00 PM — Dinner with traditional music
 What really happens: You’re handed a duduk (ancient flute), expected to play it and applauded no matter how badly you squeak.


Rule of survival: embrace the chaos. The detours are half the fun.

 

Rule #5: Know Your Grapes

Armenia has its stars and, on this tour, you’ll meet them all:

  • Areni Noir: The Beyoncé of Armenian grapes. Bold, smooth, unforgettable.
  • Voskehat: The “Queen of Armenian Whites,” which sounds fancy until you realize she’ll sneak up on you during lunch and knock you sideways.
  • Pomegranate Wine: Less wine, more liquid ruby. Delicious, but stains worse than a toddler with finger paints.
  • Apricot Brandy: Armenia’s national spirit in every sense. Sweet, fiery and offered by every uncle at every table.


Rule of survival: say yes at least once to everything. Even if the bottle looks suspiciously like it used to contain motor oil. 


Rule #6: Watch Out for the Grandma With the Jug


She will appear. Somewhere, somehow. She will be holding a plastic bottle filled with a mystery liquid that looks like trouble and smells like raisins, diesel fuel and destiny. You will try to refuse. She will look at you with eyes that say, “I survived the Soviet Union; you can survive one sip.” And then you will drink. And you will see colours that don’t exist on the visible spectrum.

 

Rule #7: Respect the Monastery Winery Combo


Only in Armenia can you wander into a 10th-century monastery, admire the frescoes and then find out the monks also make wine in the back.


Rule of survival: don’t be surprised if a priest hands you communion wine that tastes like it could win international awards. In Armenia, religion and viticulture go hand-in-hand.

 

Rule #8: Prepare for Random Hospitality


Armenians don’t do half measures. If your glass isn’t full, they think you’re in distress. If you say you’re ‘fine,’ they assume you’ve suffered a head injury.


Rule of survival: the word “no” has no power here. Smile, accept, and enjoy being temporarily adopted into three different families before dinner.

 

Rule #9: Memorize These Emergency Phrases


  • “Kenkem!” - Cheers! (Say it with conviction)
  • “Shnorhakalutyun!” - Thank you! (You’ll need this hourly)
  • “Just water for me” - Ineffective in Armenia. Use only for comedy.

 

Rule #10: Understand the Quirks


Quirks you’ll encounter include:

  • Wine festivals with street dancing. Think Oktoberfest but more grapes, fewer lederhosen.
  • Random roadside barbecues. Tipple Tours buses are known to detour when someone sees smoke.
  • Winemakers who look like prophets. Bearded men staring at Mount Ararat before solemnly announcing, “This vintage… is like eternity.”
  • Apricot obsession. Armenians will put apricots into anything. Wine, brandy, desserts, conversations.


Rule of survival: don’t fight the quirks. Collect them. They’re better than souvenirs.

 

Rule #11: Remember You’re Joining a Secret Club


As with Moldova, Armenian wine isn’t everywhere yet. That means when you get home, you can casually say things like:

  • “Sure, this Merlot’s fine. But when I was in Armenia…”
  • “Funny you mention terroir. Have you tried volcanic soil wines?”
  • “Of course, in Yerevan, we pair Areni Noir with Khorovats…”


Rule of survival: practice your smug smile. You’ve earned it.

 

Final Rule: Book the Damn Tour


You could spend another weekend at home googling “best wine near me.” Or you could be standing in a vineyard older than your country, raising a glass to friendship with strangers who just became family.


Life is short. Armenia is eternal. And the Tipple Tours’ Armenian Wine Tour is waiting.

 

The Last Sip

This isn’t just tourism. It’s initiation into an ancient tradition of wine, food and impossible hospitality. It’s history you can taste, landscapes you can drink in (literally) and feasts that will haunt your dreams in the best possible way.


So pack your bags. Pack stretchy trousers. And prepare to survive - no, thrive - on the wine adventure of a lifetime.


Kenkem!